; The feeling when you try to do something right but it goes left anyway.
Feeling that now. I try my best to make my parents happy. I thought I did the right thing. But well it was obviously wrong. It's been two days in a row that I've screwed up. I just had so much bottled in me. I know that I haven't been studying properly. And the only time I did well was during mid-terms. But I mean even with so little effort, I still got top 2. Why won't they show a little happiness for my results.
I thought I could just let it go. Take the scolding. But my sister said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Just brokedown. Honestly, it just feels good to let everything out. I haven't done that for so long.
Haih.
; I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
; My loneliness is killing me.
Okay so this week has been such a stressful week. Haih. Had to sort out the Interact stuff. Even prefects work is not as stressful as Interact work. What to do.
Went to OU today. I haven't been out in 2 weeks. Feels like ages. Thank you Amanda Moa for picking me up and sending me back. Love you. Met up with Huan Min. Haven't seen him in ages. Watched 2 movies today.
1. Ombak Rindu
Ombak Rindu is a Malay movie. By which, I think I need to improve on my Malay. I seriously couldn't understand what they were saying at the beginning of the movie. They were talking to fast. No subtitles also. And I'm chinese. Huan Min couldn't understand what they were saying either, so I'm not alone. Watched it with Mandy, Huan Min and Ean. Before the movie I was like I'm so not gonna cry. But as usual, towards the end of the movie I was like waterfall la. Non stop flow of tears.
After Ombak Rindu, we met up with the rest. Danial had a hair cut. He has a mohawk now. :o He looks so different. Kat dip dyed her hair. Was originally purple and now it's brown. The dye guy is a con man!
2. New Year's Eve
SUCH A GREAT MOVIE. Didn't get to finish watching it though. Had to leave half way. So many good looking actors. hehe.
Holidays are almost over and I'm still relaxing. I think this is the first time I'm really enjoying my holidays. I usually can't wait to go back to school. There's just too much stress at school. I got accepted into Epsom. On the wait list for Sevenoaks. Most probably going to Epsom though because not sure if I'm guaranteed a spot in Sevenoaks. Can't wait to go over, honestly speaking. A fresh start. It's not like I'm depressed or have to friends now but I've just made mistakes before. I've made mistakes that I wish to erase and forget. There are some people in school that I wish I could erase our past status. Sounding so harsh. Haih. Just gonna stick to I want a new start.
; Sometimes a new atmosphere is a good thing.
Went to OU today. I haven't been out in 2 weeks. Feels like ages. Thank you Amanda Moa for picking me up and sending me back. Love you. Met up with Huan Min. Haven't seen him in ages. Watched 2 movies today.
1. Ombak Rindu
Ombak Rindu is a Malay movie. By which, I think I need to improve on my Malay. I seriously couldn't understand what they were saying at the beginning of the movie. They were talking to fast. No subtitles also. And I'm chinese. Huan Min couldn't understand what they were saying either, so I'm not alone. Watched it with Mandy, Huan Min and Ean. Before the movie I was like I'm so not gonna cry. But as usual, towards the end of the movie I was like waterfall la. Non stop flow of tears.
After Ombak Rindu, we met up with the rest. Danial had a hair cut. He has a mohawk now. :o He looks so different. Kat dip dyed her hair. Was originally purple and now it's brown. The dye guy is a con man!
2. New Year's Eve
SUCH A GREAT MOVIE. Didn't get to finish watching it though. Had to leave half way. So many good looking actors. hehe.
Holidays are almost over and I'm still relaxing. I think this is the first time I'm really enjoying my holidays. I usually can't wait to go back to school. There's just too much stress at school. I got accepted into Epsom. On the wait list for Sevenoaks. Most probably going to Epsom though because not sure if I'm guaranteed a spot in Sevenoaks. Can't wait to go over, honestly speaking. A fresh start. It's not like I'm depressed or have to friends now but I've just made mistakes before. I've made mistakes that I wish to erase and forget. There are some people in school that I wish I could erase our past status. Sounding so harsh. Haih. Just gonna stick to I want a new start.
; Sometimes a new atmosphere is a good thing.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
; Tumblr is love, period
; I wished people knew how I felt.
But then again I don't think anyone would care.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
; Obesity out of control.
So well I've had a long week this week. Been having registration the whole week. It's not bad considering there's air-condition inside and the juniors want to do all the work. They make me feel so lazy. The only thing I can do is monitor them. And sit and laugh with June and Danial.
We've been getting a lot of our marks back. And God I am so dumb. All my marks are so low. People probably think I'm abnormally stupid. Finally got an A for Biology. Feels good. :)
We had majlis today. The didik marks thing. Got two medals. Makes me feel skinny. :D Danial showed me this really cute boy in Form 1. I think his name is Matthew Ng. He's so chubby and his cheeks are so pinchable, you feel like hugging him to sleep. No wonder Danial loves him so much. Mohsin won tokoh kokorikulum. Pretty obvious. Ben won tokoh pelajar. Also so obvious. Wahh, they describe Ben like they wrote an essay for him. Like 30 minutes just to describe him.
Taran went missing during the event. So Danial and Harris decided to mess with him. They told Taran that I was super pissed at him cause he didn't help out and there was so much stuff to do. Taran came into the bilik mesyuarat with Danial and Harris with this really sad face.
Spent the rest of the day with Danial and Harris in the bilik mesyuarat. Harris claims that he has an EPL body. lol. Danial asked May Quin what Taran was doing inside the bilik mesyuarat. She said that he was teaching them the hand move. So funny. Taran has his signature move by wiggling his hand. We had free food. Ate nasi lemak at 10.30 then nasi goreng and nasi ayam at 12.30. God knows how much weight I've put on now.
Had bola baling competition on Tuesday. Mandy and I were so nervous. Haven't played since the beginning of the year. We won all the games except with Hijau. Was a tie because we own goal. :/ I fell a few times. Sometimes I think I'm quite violent. Pushed people a lot. I just don't have feelings when I'm in court. Weird. Hurt myself pretty badly during the game against Merah. Now my leg is wounded and it's so ugly. I'm never gonna get married.
Went to watch Vienna Boys Choir yesterday. Damn, their voices are so good. How I wish I could sing. We got so much free food cause we went with BMW. Ate like a mad cow.
Meh, I guess I'm done for the night.
; When life goes better than expected.
We've been getting a lot of our marks back. And God I am so dumb. All my marks are so low. People probably think I'm abnormally stupid. Finally got an A for Biology. Feels good. :)
We had majlis today. The didik marks thing. Got two medals. Makes me feel skinny. :D Danial showed me this really cute boy in Form 1. I think his name is Matthew Ng. He's so chubby and his cheeks are so pinchable, you feel like hugging him to sleep. No wonder Danial loves him so much. Mohsin won tokoh kokorikulum. Pretty obvious. Ben won tokoh pelajar. Also so obvious. Wahh, they describe Ben like they wrote an essay for him. Like 30 minutes just to describe him.
Taran went missing during the event. So Danial and Harris decided to mess with him. They told Taran that I was super pissed at him cause he didn't help out and there was so much stuff to do. Taran came into the bilik mesyuarat with Danial and Harris with this really sad face.
Taran: Jt, I'm sorry.Danial kept on mouthing something to me. Taran's face was so sad. Then they started laughing laughing. So funny. Taran went storming out of the room.
Jt: Sorry for what? :O
Taran: I'm sorry I didn't help out I didn't know you needed help upstairs.
Spent the rest of the day with Danial and Harris in the bilik mesyuarat. Harris claims that he has an EPL body. lol. Danial asked May Quin what Taran was doing inside the bilik mesyuarat. She said that he was teaching them the hand move. So funny. Taran has his signature move by wiggling his hand. We had free food. Ate nasi lemak at 10.30 then nasi goreng and nasi ayam at 12.30. God knows how much weight I've put on now.
Had bola baling competition on Tuesday. Mandy and I were so nervous. Haven't played since the beginning of the year. We won all the games except with Hijau. Was a tie because we own goal. :/ I fell a few times. Sometimes I think I'm quite violent. Pushed people a lot. I just don't have feelings when I'm in court. Weird. Hurt myself pretty badly during the game against Merah. Now my leg is wounded and it's so ugly. I'm never gonna get married.
Went to watch Vienna Boys Choir yesterday. Damn, their voices are so good. How I wish I could sing. We got so much free food cause we went with BMW. Ate like a mad cow.
Meh, I guess I'm done for the night.
; When life goes better than expected.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
; Today Was A Fairytale.
And I can't breathe
I guess what they're saying is true. I've learnt to say no. I'm no longer that silly pushover. Yet, sometimes I wonder if I was happier being a pushover. I had a best friend when I was a pushover.
A friend once told me that it's easier not having a best friend. You can be close to multiple people and not have one person pulling you down, shutting you away from the rest of the world.
As much as I want to believe that, and I suppose I actually do but I can't tell between those I can trust and those I can't. Some of them just put on a smile but has a backstabbing mouth behind that beautiful smile. I'm just human for Christ sakes. I couldn't possibly tell if they were backstabbers.
And there's always so much backstabbing going on and unsatisfaction and I'm always somehow caught in between it.
Hmphh. I'll probably be fine again when school starts.
Can you feel this magic in the air.
; What got me into this mess?
Without you but I have to,
Breathe
Without you but I have to.
Going through the Taylor Swift phase again. Been feeling a little down lately. I feel like I'm all alone. There's no one out there. I've always been there for those who needed a smile, but where were they when I needed a smile. I suppose we all go through this phase of feeling alone once in a while. I thought I was really happy. Maybe it's just one of those nights where I get cranky earlier. Hmm.. I feel like no one cares. I saw a quote on twitter earlier.
As we grow older it's not longer about how many friends we have, it's about who are real friends are.I guess I know most of my real friends who will be there for me no matter what. But there are some where you just don't know whether they're there for you or to take advantage of you. Sometimes I feel I'm more a pushover. I usually never say no.
I guess what they're saying is true. I've learnt to say no. I'm no longer that silly pushover. Yet, sometimes I wonder if I was happier being a pushover. I had a best friend when I was a pushover.
A friend once told me that it's easier not having a best friend. You can be close to multiple people and not have one person pulling you down, shutting you away from the rest of the world.
As much as I want to believe that, and I suppose I actually do but I can't tell between those I can trust and those I can't. Some of them just put on a smile but has a backstabbing mouth behind that beautiful smile. I'm just human for Christ sakes. I couldn't possibly tell if they were backstabbers.
And there's always so much backstabbing going on and unsatisfaction and I'm always somehow caught in between it.
Hmphh. I'll probably be fine again when school starts.
Can you feel this magic in the air.
; What got me into this mess?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
; Today Got Indian Festival (T.G.I.F)
HAPPY DEEPAVALI TO ALL THE INDIANNSS OUTT THEREE.
I was on twitter earlier and I found this really funny smiley. I just wanna laugh when I see it. People are so imaginative nowadays.
-;- <----- Indian smiley.
How cute is that.
Nadya and Sophia came over yesterday. Watched Friends With Benefits with Nads before Sophia came over. God what is with grown ups and doing it? What an impropriate movie. I rate it 6/10. Didn't really understand the story line. Mandy came over at 10.30 to sleepover. She said that I should really watch My Name is Khan. So I did but Mandy fell asleep after 10 minutes. It is a really good movie though. Really touching and sweet.
Sophia came over again this morning. We were supposed to go help Mummy and Daddy and Jing Xan clean up MK11 but daddy said we should just stay at home. Yay. We ended up playing Just Dance. So tiring. We were sweating like mad dogs. Sophia kept on winning. Sophia got moves. :)
Went for Vimal's open restaurant today. And well new vocab.. I just found out what open restaurant means. It means open house but in restaurant. Actually I think Vimal just made that up. The food was so yummy. I love Indian food. I have to say Little India is actually really cute. There was this Chinese restaurant sesat in Little India?
A little weird don't you think?
Just talked to Danial. Told him again what people are saying about him. I really don't get people these days. The only thing that this world can actually do is judge. I haven't had a day where someone doesn't judge us by our hair, our face, our clothes, our shoes. Even our legs. And I'm pretty sure that day isn't gonna come anytime soon. What's happening to the world. What caused the world to be filled with so much hatred. Was there ever a day back then where there were no bitches. No backstabbers. No fake friends. I'll never understand how the world works. Everyday I wake up and I promise myself to be a better person. I suppose it comes naturally to bitch. I want to make a better person of myself.
Because of that I promise to try to be a better person as of today.
And if you were to be against me say it to my face.
Aye?
Haters gonna hate just like potatoes gonna potate.
They tell you to be yourself but they judge you.
xx
I was on twitter earlier and I found this really funny smiley. I just wanna laugh when I see it. People are so imaginative nowadays.
-;- <----- Indian smiley.
How cute is that.
Nadya and Sophia came over yesterday. Watched Friends With Benefits with Nads before Sophia came over. God what is with grown ups and doing it? What an impropriate movie. I rate it 6/10. Didn't really understand the story line. Mandy came over at 10.30 to sleepover. She said that I should really watch My Name is Khan. So I did but Mandy fell asleep after 10 minutes. It is a really good movie though. Really touching and sweet.
Sophia came over again this morning. We were supposed to go help Mummy and Daddy and Jing Xan clean up MK11 but daddy said we should just stay at home. Yay. We ended up playing Just Dance. So tiring. We were sweating like mad dogs. Sophia kept on winning. Sophia got moves. :)
Went for Vimal's open restaurant today. And well new vocab.. I just found out what open restaurant means. It means open house but in restaurant. Actually I think Vimal just made that up. The food was so yummy. I love Indian food. I have to say Little India is actually really cute. There was this Chinese restaurant sesat in Little India?
A little weird don't you think?
Just talked to Danial. Told him again what people are saying about him. I really don't get people these days. The only thing that this world can actually do is judge. I haven't had a day where someone doesn't judge us by our hair, our face, our clothes, our shoes. Even our legs. And I'm pretty sure that day isn't gonna come anytime soon. What's happening to the world. What caused the world to be filled with so much hatred. Was there ever a day back then where there were no bitches. No backstabbers. No fake friends. I'll never understand how the world works. Everyday I wake up and I promise myself to be a better person. I suppose it comes naturally to bitch. I want to make a better person of myself.
Because of that I promise to try to be a better person as of today.
And if you were to be against me say it to my face.
Aye?
Haters gonna hate just like potatoes gonna potate.
They tell you to be yourself but they judge you.
xx
Saturday, October 22, 2011
; Robots are cool.
So yesterday I went to OU to with the rest after soo long. I feel like I've been in prison. Haven't gone out in forever. Spent most of the time with the Mandy and Sophia. Had a really good time. Walked around the WHOLE mall. Watched the guys play futsal. We were supposed to watch What's your number but then... HEHE. When we reached the counter they asked for IC. We all looked at each other and I guess that showed that we were NOT 18. Had to change movie in the end. Settled for Real Steel. Real Steel is a really good movie. Worth our money. I should watch more man movies. We were supposed to watch Paranormal Activity 3 with the guys. Thank God my mum said I can't stay till too late. Probably wouldn't have been able to sleep for one month. Fun night out with the girls.
Maybe going to bake at Dayana's place today. I promised everyone that I'll go gym today.
; Your true friend, you're here till the end.
Friday, October 21, 2011
; Wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah!
Exams are finaaalllyyy overrrr! Had morning briefing this morning after so long. Danial wished all the Indians Happy Deepavali except Rashmita. She was standing literally RIGHT in front of him and he didn't see her.
Danial: Happy Deepavali Shankari, David, Sashi, Onne...
Rashmita: *soft voice* How about me?
Danial: Errr.. Ian Kabil, Henna..
20 seconds later
Danial: OH YEAA. Rashmita. Sorry sorry. Happy Deepavali.
Danial made racist jokes yesterday. Sometimes he's such an embarrassment. Then Pheven came over and we started talking bout I'm sexy and I know it. They wanted to make a video on the Wiggle wiggle wiggle part.
We had Chemistry Paper 3 and Sivik today. We found out what was coming out for Chemistry 5 minutes before the exam cause the teacher accidentally showed us the back of the paper. lol. ZUZIIITAHHH. Sivik after recess. I looked at the paper and I just blanked. The only thing that went through my mind was "WHEN THE HELL DID I LEARN THIS? " I looked at the paper again and decided to just answer it. Finished the paper in 20 minutes and was feeling so tired. I've been lacking so much sleep lately especially since I usually sleep at 10.30. I took my blazer folded into a pillow, stole Danial's blazer and make it a second pillow and tried to sleep. The sunlight was killing me so I had to sleep under my blazer. 2 in 1. And I guess I really fell asleep because people started shouting and it woke me up. I was sleeping and they were shouting. Messing with the wrong woman. Took a while for it to sink in that exam was actually over. Had accounts after that. Checked my paper. Got A for accounts. :D Danced to I like big butts. Walked home from school. Came home sweating like a dog. And there's always people walking when I come home. Why u must be there when I sweating like dog?
Just came home from piano. I'm so gonna flunk my exam if I don't step up my game. And and I miss you.
Never miss a chance to dance
xx
Danial: Happy Deepavali Shankari, David, Sashi, Onne...
Rashmita: *soft voice* How about me?
Danial: Errr.. Ian Kabil, Henna..
20 seconds later
Danial: OH YEAA. Rashmita. Sorry sorry. Happy Deepavali.
Danial made racist jokes yesterday. Sometimes he's such an embarrassment. Then Pheven came over and we started talking bout I'm sexy and I know it. They wanted to make a video on the Wiggle wiggle wiggle part.
We had Chemistry Paper 3 and Sivik today. We found out what was coming out for Chemistry 5 minutes before the exam cause the teacher accidentally showed us the back of the paper. lol. ZUZIIITAHHH. Sivik after recess. I looked at the paper and I just blanked. The only thing that went through my mind was "WHEN THE HELL DID I LEARN THIS? " I looked at the paper again and decided to just answer it. Finished the paper in 20 minutes and was feeling so tired. I've been lacking so much sleep lately especially since I usually sleep at 10.30. I took my blazer folded into a pillow, stole Danial's blazer and make it a second pillow and tried to sleep. The sunlight was killing me so I had to sleep under my blazer. 2 in 1. And I guess I really fell asleep because people started shouting and it woke me up. I was sleeping and they were shouting. Messing with the wrong woman. Took a while for it to sink in that exam was actually over. Had accounts after that. Checked my paper. Got A for accounts. :D Danced to I like big butts. Walked home from school. Came home sweating like a dog. And there's always people walking when I come home. Why u must be there when I sweating like dog?
Just came home from piano. I'm so gonna flunk my exam if I don't step up my game. And and I miss you.
Never miss a chance to dance
xx
Friday, October 14, 2011
; This is why we tak maju.
So I've been having finals. Haven't even been studying properly though.
Most mornings after perhimpunan I'll sit at Danial's place and we'll brainstorm for last minute studying. We were studying Add Maths on that day. Then we were visited by his best friend. His face turned red and he looked like smoke would start coming out from his ears. Had to hold back in my laughter. The friends I have.
Spend the whole morning with Danial, June and Harris talking about tak maju people yesterday during Nilam. Danial has been going on non-stop about tak maju people. Told my father what Danial has been saying and my dad absolutely loves Danny now. June had stomach ache, probably food poisoning. Danial and I waited for June's mom to come and was shortly joined by Ashraf, Sarah and Dayana. I had to go and see Pengetua about my entrance exam. I think she hates me for going to see her like 5 times a day. We couldn't find the email which had the test papers so was free the whole day. What a waste of time. Spent the whole day at the counseling room. I took a problem test and found out I have psychological problems. :/ I told people and they're responses were really funny.
Jt: Harris, I took a problem check and they said I have a psychological problem. D:
Harris: You had to take a test to figure that out?
Danial: Hahaha. I'm not surprised.
I told Pn. Uma and Pn. Noriati about it. they laughed and agreed. lol. There's seriously something wrong with me.
Took a love test as well. Broke down at question 16. I'm such a sad child. It just brought back memories.
Today was bad. I sat for my entrance exam today. Why is their Math so complicating? So indirect. Don't even get me started on their Chemistry. I've never felt so dumb before. I'm supposed to answer everything in ONE hour. Did higher level maths and actually put a ? on my paper. Danial came in just before I passed it up and scolded me for putting a question mark.
Dan: You want to go to England but you put a question mark. If you really don't know copy the question down go find the answer at home and ask the counselor to see you paper and change the answer.
Jt: I can't do that. But I really don't know how to answer it. I don't even understand that term.
Dan: Chinese people. So straight. This is why Chinese tak maju.
Accounts was fine. Had nasi goreng pataya. What took me so long to figure out such nice food? Finished class early and waited outside for the twins to go home before I started walking home. Sarah told us about Mohsin's dream about being a mathematician. MR.BEANN. Ben came not long after with his CLK. There was a car coming out and he was going in. He didn't reverse his car for the car to come out. Actually I don't know who's right or wrong cause I can't drive but I swear the guy in the car gave us death glares. His eyes literally said 'I'm going to eat you'. Twins mum came shortly. Walked home in my cute little umbrella that Danial refuses to hold.
; Memories coming back to haunt.
Most mornings after perhimpunan I'll sit at Danial's place and we'll brainstorm for last minute studying. We were studying Add Maths on that day. Then we were visited by his best friend. His face turned red and he looked like smoke would start coming out from his ears. Had to hold back in my laughter. The friends I have.
Spend the whole morning with Danial, June and Harris talking about tak maju people yesterday during Nilam. Danial has been going on non-stop about tak maju people. Told my father what Danial has been saying and my dad absolutely loves Danny now. June had stomach ache, probably food poisoning. Danial and I waited for June's mom to come and was shortly joined by Ashraf, Sarah and Dayana. I had to go and see Pengetua about my entrance exam. I think she hates me for going to see her like 5 times a day. We couldn't find the email which had the test papers so was free the whole day. What a waste of time. Spent the whole day at the counseling room. I took a problem test and found out I have psychological problems. :/ I told people and they're responses were really funny.
Jt: Harris, I took a problem check and they said I have a psychological problem. D:
Harris: You had to take a test to figure that out?
Danial: Hahaha. I'm not surprised.
I told Pn. Uma and Pn. Noriati about it. they laughed and agreed. lol. There's seriously something wrong with me.
Took a love test as well. Broke down at question 16. I'm such a sad child. It just brought back memories.
Today was bad. I sat for my entrance exam today. Why is their Math so complicating? So indirect. Don't even get me started on their Chemistry. I've never felt so dumb before. I'm supposed to answer everything in ONE hour. Did higher level maths and actually put a ? on my paper. Danial came in just before I passed it up and scolded me for putting a question mark.
Dan: You want to go to England but you put a question mark. If you really don't know copy the question down go find the answer at home and ask the counselor to see you paper and change the answer.
Jt: I can't do that. But I really don't know how to answer it. I don't even understand that term.
Dan: Chinese people. So straight. This is why Chinese tak maju.
Accounts was fine. Had nasi goreng pataya. What took me so long to figure out such nice food? Finished class early and waited outside for the twins to go home before I started walking home. Sarah told us about Mohsin's dream about being a mathematician. MR.BEANN. Ben came not long after with his CLK. There was a car coming out and he was going in. He didn't reverse his car for the car to come out. Actually I don't know who's right or wrong cause I can't drive but I swear the guy in the car gave us death glares. His eyes literally said 'I'm going to eat you'. Twins mum came shortly. Walked home in my cute little umbrella that Danial refuses to hold.
; Memories coming back to haunt.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
; Irony
Because I've realized that you're nothing but a waste of time.
Broken hearts and shattered dreams.
xx
Broken hearts and shattered dreams.
xx
Monday, June 20, 2011
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